I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.  ~Author Unknown

A great name for a new country song:  If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.  ~Author Unknown.

boy scouts

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.  ~Jack Benny

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.  ~Author Unknown

I have six locks on my door all in a row.  When I go out, I lock every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.  ~Elayne Boosler

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.  ~William Castle

oxymorron

Man was predestined to have free will.  ~Hal Lee Luyah